To restart my blog, I need a post about music. A post about Zao should suffice. People always seem confused to why Za0 has played such a big part in my life and what importance the band has been to me. My parents didn’t like the fact that they screamed. When I started listening to them, that was the only reason I did start listening to them. I wanted to be separate from others and more or less be an awesome badass who listened to music that others couldn’t stand. I got a lot more from the music later on, I gained direction in life. The screaming wasn’t for the sake of the genre. It was the only way to state these words in song and explain their meaning.
Your eyes search for me
Your eyes search for me
For so long I've wanted to come home
Held back by lies of serpents and tongues of brothers
Turning a child into an enemy
Turning open arms into closed fists
I could see the reflection in the tears
That made their way down Your face
Onto the ground I kneel upon
They form a river that overtakes me
Compassion envelops me
I forgive and release
Though I can’t stand the heat now I’ll soon miss the rays of summer beating down on my forhead heating up the drips of sweat rolling down my face. When I’ts warm and the sun is shining it encourages everyone to just sit and be.
Though maybe I could think this way about every season whether I’m letting the rain pour over my face or sitting on a bed of snow filling my lungs with chilled air. I think I should strive for this. To always be more aware of my surroundings.
We all strive for something more. Most of us do this by indulging in things that give us a rush of pleasure but never make us happy. What makes us happy is often very simple but requires us to work on who we are and get to the core of ourselves. I think the thing that makes me happy is to just be where i am, to exist in a moment and notice how amazing the world is.
Some bands out there are amazingly talented, so talented that you have to think and listen carefully to understand it fully. I think most people listen to music and think, “oh, I like this” and “I don’t like this”. I listen to music with the attitude of, “I would like to understand where this is coming from?” and, “what is this song trying to get across?”. Songs are like personalities, separated across an album (or maybe a whole mood is set across an album?). Some notes and words urge to tell stories and open your eyes to the unknown. Many express the fundamental feelings of the loving human heart, and many express the complicated desires of a disturbed or selfish mind. In the end there leaves another section of songs that are created just because they want to live and be. They represent existence.
Things have been good lately. I’ve been feeling like the house I have lived in my whole life is starting to feel like my home. This may be anticipation building up because of a child on the way and with school ahead.
I’ve decided on a profession in the culinary arts. I’m shooting for culinary school this fall. I am pretty pumped for it, I’m hoping to learn a lot. The get up for the classes is more or less pretty ridiculous. I somehow don’t think those outfits are easy to cook in… Seems uncomfortable. Sara told me they aren’t bad. I am not quite sure how she knows this, but whatever. hah…
My Bike is wonderful….
You can keep up in traffic with this thing for real. I look bad ass in this picture…
I’m seventeen and my girlfriend is now pregnant. This is something very overwhelming, but at the same time I’m feeling very blessed. I feel like this is where I need to be, Like this is supposed to happen. I love Sara and I know we can do this together. We both know we can handle anything together.
I’m sure I appear to be an average teen parent to the rest of the world. This isn’t a concern of mine though. I’m sticking around to parent, because I love Sara. And I guess that’s what separates me from the rest of the teen fathers. well, that’s what separates it for me anyway. lulz. There are many things about this that are frightening. Mainly fears of my shortcomings or that I will screw this up. But on the other side of the coin, I’m happy to be having a child, and I can’t wait to be a father. I hope I can have plenty of time to reflect on what it means to be a good father before this child is born. Many people who I discuss the whole “baby” thing with often react with no other emotions then pity and sadness for me, repeating, “I’m so sorry” over and over again. but that’s not how I feel. I’m happy about this, Sara and I are very happy about this, and for good reason.
I can’t wait to get my new bike…
May require that you read “The GED For Dummies” depending on age selection. Lulz.
I have been looking at bikes recently. I really want to get a fixed gear for riding around Missoula. I’ve always wanted a bike that I felt like I had a lot of control over. With a fixed gear you can go forwards and backwards. You are not able to coast. If you are going down a hill, you slow down the bike by slowing down the speed of your legs instead of doing the whole riding and sudden breaks to slow you down thing. Which is nice. It will take awhile to get used to I’m sure.
Any ways this game is amazing. I want it.